100 Word Challenge Week #8
Tonight is Christmas Eve and I'm sitting in front of the crackling fire reading underneath a soft, fluffy blanket while, slowly, the last flame is burning out. "Today was a great day" I thought of all the exciting things a did with my humongous family. "We went swimming at an indoor pool, We went there because it started snowing! I was elated that it was going to be a white Christmas! My spectacular Aunt and Uncle can't celebrate with us tomorrow so we celebrated with them today! Today was one of the best days I ever had!" As I ended my thought I realised that the fire had went out.
Hello Roseygray,
ReplyDeleteThe prompt words are fairly well spread out in your writing. You have used descriptive vocabulary e.g. 'crackling', 'elated', and 'spectacular', which makes your writing interesting to read. As we have discussed several times in class, avoid repeating words in a short piece of writing like this e.g. 'today' x3, 'we went' x2, and 'celebrate(d)' x2. Congratulations on completing the 100 Word Challenge Week #8.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Van
Hello,
ReplyDeleteYour selection of vocabulary is interesting and makes your story engaging. 'Crackling fire' and 'humungous family' are wonderfully descriptive examples that add depth to your piece.
The focus of your story is easily understandable and allows your readers to connect to your selection by sharing a common experience. Sitting in front of a fireplace and reflecting back over an exciting day is a lovely way to unwind.
As a way to make your writing even better, try changing up the length of some of your sentences. Each one should just be one thought. Trying to combine too many thoughts into one sentence makes it muddy and confusing for your audience.
I had a fireplace in the house I grew up in. I remember spending many evenings sitting in front of it while I thought about my days experiences.
Thank you for sharing your story,
Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)